Life doesn't promise a bed of roses or white lies.
But as we walk down the line of life we realize lies are all there is and all we need.
I never do any act of mortification, it is not in my nature to hurt myself in any way or for any purpose but I realize now I silently promised something to myself the moment I got a job.
I wanted my body and my spirit never to be lost again, not to be bored of life, nor to be disappointed or without anything to write about, dream about, talk about, laugh about.
And now that I sit here again in my room I go back to adolescence. I felt like an adult for a moment but I guess I was mistaken.
I'm the same little me, sleeping in the same little bed and doing the same little things to kill time and space until another event comes along to engage my little existence.
And this way I see tattoos flourish onto my skin, I let my mouth speak about a future with big job positions and big relationships in it.
I get it now, the person I see is not me but the idea of me, the way I would love to see myself and the way I’d love for others to see me.
It’s the pack of lies I burden myself with over and over again until it becomes more and more palpable. So that now I dream about her, I talk about her and I love her for all the mistakes and promises she made until one day i could possibly be her.
I lie bored in the darkness of my room, I feel warm so I let my newest tattoo breath for a little while. Mother is in the living room and brother is in his room,father is away somewhere.
I think I could choose to be a regular girl of my age at this time in the world but I guess I'm just not and I'm not willing to only to be happier, to be peaceful, to be socially sane.
So there again, lies to cover up the truth and disguise the socially impaired, I become a masquerade fool and I think I win over the others who are actually crazier than I am for believing without questioning anything, indifferent to what’s real and what's realistic.
I’m telling you, it's a life full of lies.
