Spectator of life

"Have you ever felt like you had never left home?"

Lily wrote into a piece of paper in front of her. She looked up and stared at the picture of her parents standing polished just beside Snowy, it might have been vice-versa but her cat never changed her nap spot, on the other hand that pic had been carried and moved for many times.

It was just 7AM and the city was already moving, just downstairs there was full life, every kind of experience she would have wanted to encounter was waiting for her to choose, "choose me" they were whispering "choose me".

But somehow she was feeling empty and without expectations. All those feelings all over again, she once thought she would have never felt that same way again, not after moving, not after being exactly where she wanted to be.

She looked at the scribbled sheet on the table, near the flowers, a blow of hope for colors and music.

Her parents were still standing there and she remembered one conversation she had with her mother many years before.

-"Mom, I have a question."

-"What?" said Sophie with a nerve of anxiety.

-"How many times a day will I have to call you when I'll live on my own?" spilled out Lily with a sort of smug.

-"Once" answered Sophie.

Lily was living that conversation all over again, the music playing in the car and the smell of cigarette left by those Marlboro light her mom was smoking. She wasn't herself, just a spectator of her own past.

Then she realized what was that she was feeling, why she was reluctant to go out, the reasons why she was feeling a teenager all over again.

She was a spectator of her life, watching it pass like the rain that falls in autumn, without a way or a cause to stop it.